I must make a confession: Endings are not my thing I don’t like to say goodbye… Ever It’s always TTFN until tomorrow see you later TTYL see you soon but never goodbye Goodbye seems so final an ending like death to those left behind But a death isn’t an ending for those who have died […]
Ryan Stevenson- In the Eye of the Storm This song speaks to my soul Psalm 94:19 When anxiety was great within me,your consolation brought me joy. 145 XO Lisa
Sing Your Freedom by White Heart spoke to me today. I made it. Blessed sleep is near. 144 rolls to 145 149 closes one chapter and at 150 a new book begins! How fitting! Numbers are my friends!
My dreaded number My self-proclaimed nemesis (see Faceless Demons) For some unknown reason, I dreaded this day. I let the numbers play with my mind. I thought all day if I can get through this day, 144 that I am home free. I can make it through anything. It’s a wretched mind game. One I […]
There’s a place in my head where I can go to see my Love. It’s my idea of Heaven. My Paradise with white, sandy beaches lush tropical vegetation, no bugs, palm trees swaying gently, clear blue water, and always warm with sunshine. My Love is healthy, strong, and ever-present. I feel his love surround me […]
Oh the irony of numbers Today marks 143 days since my Love left earth. On 5 March 2016 my beautiful Mother closed her eyes on earth and opened them in heaven. On 27 July 2016, 144 days after my Mom my first love my hero my Father the strongest man I ever loved whom I […]
So many new things coming in the near future. New job, moving closer to family eventually. Great blessings! To G-d to genetic family to chosen family to friends in person to friends online to everyone who has supported, lifted me up in prayer, and wiped my tears and to my Love who showed me daily […]
12,096,000 seconds 201,600 minutes 3360 hours 20 weeks 38.36% of 2019 That my Love has been gone… So much has happened that I want to share I know that he knows but it doesn’t lessen the sting the longing the sadness and the burning in my eyes as I cry every night in the dark…
Certain themes have been staples in my life. A conversation with Renee Heart Tokens sparked this thought process… When I wrote “The Door” I was in the throes of my greatest depression. My younger sister Dana had passed away four months before from cancer and I mistakenly thought that grief was something I should ‘get […]
Interdependent- what a marvelous word! It says many things that need to be heard- I can be me and you can be you Both looking out for the other, it’s true.Left behind are dependence, jealousy and greed- Thinking not of oneself, but of each other’s needs. No fear of rejection, guilt trips or threats Each […]
My playlist has expanded Like life, old songs stayed like familiar friends but new songs were added to provide hope. Always moving forward but glancing back at times to see how far I’ve traveled on this mercurial road of living through grief.
I once had a dream that G-d wasn’t here He wouldn’t listen- I could not draw near. In the past I’d believed, but not anymore: When a window was closed- He’d open a door. But the door didn’t open, it was tightly closed. My hopes and dreams seemed highly opposed. In my dream I was […]
I am perfecting my speech Two times in two weeks Two different stores First store I had asked for my Love’s name to be removed and mail still kept coming in his name. I was polite and mentioned that he had passed. Then she looked up the account and said his name with a question […]
Music has been a part of my life since basically the beginning. My very first memory of music is my daddy picking me up and dancing with me to Nat King Cole singing “Mona Lisa” – and giggling. My mom always had the radio going during the day and we would sing along to all […]
My wonderful sister suggested that I find a happier song. I found it! A lesson for all who grieve: https://youtu.be/qG05D3OeJYQ “Hold On to Memories” by Disturbed Thanks for the music…
So I have to tell you something freaky that happened. I have been listening to the song “Reason to Fight” by Disturbed nearly nonstop since Monday (the first time I listened it nearly broke me). After the 100th time it became comforting because I imagined my Love singing it to me. Now it’s my anthem […]
The harbinger of change Leaves fall like tears Heralding the frozen landscape of winter in the soul. But spring is promised with growth and new life. Seasons change. Change is constant reliable freeing surprising anticipated an adventure an invitation to begin anew a gift from G-d.
There are many different types of holes Sink holes Pot holes Caves Caverns Wishing wells Shining stars in the darkness turning into empty black holes when stars burn out. When ones heart shatters after a death it is slowly pieced back together but there are dark black holes left from pieces missing. Light, although fractured […]
This song describes my head at the moment. Dark and longing for light… “A Reason to Fight” by Disturbed https://youtu.be/2axiYQYJMUU My Love would want me to fight. I will
I found my Love’s journal. The one he wrote before me. Those who know me say that I grew up a curious child, the sense of wonder and curiosity never went away. So I opened it, and read – all 23 pages. The words were familiar – stories I had heard in my Love’s own […]
Night is the hardest time when I miss my Love missing conversations missing his hugs missing his touch missing him nearby. With just the thought of sleeping alone… the familiar burning starts in my eyes and tears fall as I prepare for bed while I silently give thanks that I was so fortunate to be […]