Monthly Archives: October 2019

My love taught me lessons to last a lifetime. That I am beautiful inside and out- although I still don’t see myself that way, he did and that mattered. That I am capable in my abilities, to fight for what is right and to recognize my worth. He bestowed confidence because he showered love unconditionally. […]

I have been putting off the basement purge for far too long. Nine years, to be exact. After the box anxiety attack last weekend I thought about putting it off forever. But today I took a deep breath and waded in. The basement monsters we’re not as scary as the (expletive) box that received more […]

Well, my Love You would be proud of me I’ve managed 122 days without you. Nights are still long, tears daily, your good morning when I wake up at 4:30am- the same time you left me. But good things are on the horizon- things you wanted to happen long ago… you’ll be the first to […]

I took the step to disconnect to stop listening to noise and drama to just focus (on me for a change) on life reflect on living the past on going forward. To slay some dragons clear out my own mental noise. Therefore, facebook is dark television is off radio is too. Music is on full […]

Job 23:10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. Refining gold requires a furnace. The fire is stoked to 1947.52 degrees Fahrenheit- the melting point of gold. The gold is placed in a crucible with flux only until it melts completely. After the […]

I am convinced that those who are actively grieving should form a secret society. With handshakes or knowing glances Well, maybe not the knowing glances. But we could seek each other out for comfort or commiserations. Such a society would be useful for days like today when the grief was so loud that only Metallica […]

The saying “Two steps forward one step back” keeps rolling through my mind while traveling this winding road of learning to live a new life without my Love. Truth be told, 10 steps forward and one step back is more descriptive at the present time. And since letting go of the edge of the cliff, […]

Every time I think I’m able to move from debilitating sadness and hanging on the grief cliff by my fingernails to happiness and light or memories without tears, the familiar burning starts in my eyes and the tidal wave of grief washes over my heart and soul. Then I cry, swear with every filthy word […]

I am thankful for grandchildren who are joyful about rides on one cent ponies or putting vegetables in bags or just picking out the perfect orange. They are growing so fast and I can’t help thinking that my Love is watching and smiling. His wish was that we remind them of how much grandpa loved […]

I wish I had a time machine I would go back to 2005 When I met my Love I would write down every moment every word he said everything we did together… So I would never ever forget each moment I would savor every touch hug more talk more write down stories because memories are […]

At one time or another, everyone will grieve someone. It’s bound to happen. The only things certain about life are taxes, death, and change. I went to calling hours today (for those unfamiliar, a time set aside before a funeral to express condolences to the family). The blank looks, sadness, shock, swollen eyes, tears, and […]

This happened on Tuesday: My Love’s Explorer pulled into the driveway- it’s new owner was dropping something off. I had Roxie the dog outside on the leash. She got so excited when she heard the car… ran to the driver’s door and looked inside then around to the back hatch to look there. She walked […]