This is the third rewrite of “Why I Write”.
“This life is for loving, sharing, learning, smiling, caring, forgiving, laughing, hugging, helping, dancing, wondering, healing, and even more loving. I choose to live life this way. I want to live my life in such a way that when I get out of bed in the morning, the devil says, ‘aw shit, he’s up!”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
Today my grief/mourning/healing journey has taken another turn.
I am still moving forward, embracing my shadows, weirdness, demons, kink, depravity, and acknowledging them so they no longer have power over me.
However, since they are identified, I am not afraid to let them out to play occasionally…
As a result of embracing my shadows and the rest of mySELF,
I no longer believe that healing is an impossible task that will last forever.
Broken bones eventually heal.
Grief and mourning are not incurable diseases.
When I do the work and embrace the process of healing,
I can and will heal and live a life of happiness.
Therefore, I do not believe that I am required to mourn for the rest of my life.
Because I am a realist, I realize that there will be sadness ahead.
However, at this point I can recognize the difference between transient sadness and the all-out, consuming pain caused by grief and mourning.
Larry is pain-free and wants me to heal. He does not want me to live with the defeatist attitude that I must spend the rest of my life healing as a result of his death.
Do I miss him? Of course!
Will I forget him? Not in a million years!
Will I talk about him? How could I not?
Is he with me? Absolutely!
Does he talk to me? Yes!
I will love him forever, love is not a competition.
Today and going forward I seek peace.
My paradigm has shifted.
I am ready to live this life that I have been granted
in full-on Happiness
and an occasional swear-word or three.
I will not tolerate negative, defeatist individuals in my orbit.
I am ready to level-up my energy and shine!
Thank you for being a part of my journey – through the sorrow, pain, and the happiness.