Blog Posts

Why I Write Rewrite II

This is my second rewrite of “Why I Write”.

The reason I started blogging can be found here: Why I Write

The first re-write on 28 Feb 2019 can be found here: Why I Write Rewrite

I still write because it helps me

– see how far I have come

– see how far I have to go on my healing path

– to share my journey

– still with the same naive hope that it might help another who is on the same path

– to see concrete evidence of my growth

– and to just be me!

I am moving forward,

embracing my shadows, weirdness, demons, kink, depravity, and acknowledging them so they will no longer have power over me.

Saying YES to me.

Embracing myself, she whom I once hated, Me, the person my Love loved and cherished.

I am finally seeing myself as he saw me,

my self-talk is different,

and I finally like me.

It’s nice to be me when I like me,

because I am no longer afraid of myself.

In “Why I Write” my first statement was “On 26 June 2019 we kist nt best fruebd abd gysbabd lost my best friend and husband.”

My viewpoint changed so radically on the point of my Love being “lost” that when not looking at the keyboard, I could not type the words. I had to concentrate and really look at the keys to finish that sentence.

The point is: HE IS NOT LOST! My Love is with us every second. I know this because I firmly believe that Heaven is in the presence of G-D. I was taught from a very young age that G-D is everywhere. If heaven is in the presence of G-D and G-D is indeed everywhere, then our loved ones who are no longer present in the physical plane must be everywhere as well. Therefore, my Love is here or with his children, or our grandchildren, or his family, friends, or wherever he wants to be. But he can be and is everywhere.

I have found my voice, the inner voice that was silent,

the voice that knows what she wants.

I have finally learned the difference between need and want.

I no longer need to seek others’ approval

nor need another to feel validated.

Want is an entirely different subject,

not needing another to feel validated

– I have had the best and I will not settle.

I write to bring peace and quiet

to my overthinking mind,

to give a voice to the mourning

that comes in waves

at the most inopportune times.

The waves are no longer tsunami force,

the winds are no longer hurricane strength,

but tears still come,

and that is perfectly okay.

I have learned that mourning is the outward expression of internal grief and must be felt (every messy, brutal, storm-filled moment)

to give rise to healing.

So I will someday become radiant.

Finally, I write to heal.

I am healing…

XO Lisa

Badassery 7/6

I will admit that

I haven’t always held my tongue

sometimes I still struggle with that

Okay, sometimes is a bit exaggerated

I struggle with holding my tongue and many times I don’t succeed.

In fact, sometimes I let loose with swear words that are sailor-worthy.

However, I am really being mindful, my intention is to stop and think before I speak so as to not say anything hurtful

paying attention to my motivation,

as the wise little calendar points out.

Warning: if we are speaking to each other and there is a long pause, I am searching – really searching for kind words.

Either that or I am trying to multitask and it’s probably not working, but usually I would go with door #1.

If we get to door #3 and I say goodbye hastily or walk away for a bit. Do not, I repeat, do NOT follow me. It might not be pretty. Just let me calm down.

Enough said…

XO Lisa

Permission to Mourn Chapter One

We Dance Between Both Worlds

“Words have power!

I am learning a new way to do grief.

It’s all new to me and I gratefully take it in with ease.

I open my heart, I’m expanding.

I’m seeing with new eyes

Hearing with new ears

Feeling with a new heart

I take it in gratefully with ease.”

— Tom Zuba

Thank you, Tom Zuba, for pouring your heart out into Permission to Mourn and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable in order to help countless others heal.

XO Lisa

Musings Gratitude Day 38

Today I am grateful for neighbors

who make big booms

that rattle the windows

when I am sitting inside

avoiding the 4th of July fireworks

because Larry loved them so

and I just can’t face them this year

… even on television.

But something about the booming

draws me outside.

It sounds like a war is going on

the war inside me

the war to stay stuck in sadness

or to heal

sadness or heal

sadness or heal

sadness or heal.

I choose to heal

My intention is to heal

I will heal.

I got in my car

went to a parking lot

felt Larry beside me

and watched the most glorious

neighborhood fireworks display

on all four sides.

Near and far.

Better than any municipal show.

Even better, I daresay, than NYC.

I felt like a child again

My Independence Day!

Happy, bubbly, in awe

like it was just for me.

… and the full moon was beautiful as well.

XO Lisa

Interview With Tom Zuba

Author of “Permission to Mourn A New Way to Do Grief”

Are you experiencing grief? Mourning a loss?

It could be any loss, the loss of a spouse, a partner, a child, a parent, a beloved, a job, a life, a way of life, a pet, a friend, a home, a car, a financial loss, there are so many ways human beings experience loss. Too many to mention.

But if you are experiencing

or have experienced

any kind of loss,

and you want to

are trying to

or are close to

clawing your way out

of the deep, darkness:

You are invited to come on a journey with me

the journey I am still on

as I read Tom Zuba’s book

“Permission to Mourn A New Way to Do Grief.”

This book literally saved my life.

Intention is powerful

My intention is to create a safe, sacred space where grief can be shared and therefore is less daunting.

I will post a chapter reading of “Permission to Mourn” every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. There are 22 chapters.

But first, I am pleased to introduce you to Tom Zuba:

Tom’s book is available on Amazon, should you wish to follow along.

XO Lisa

Disclosure: I have no financial relationships, professional or otherwise, with Tom Zuba. All material read and used with written permission.