Worthy at 144 Days

My dreaded number

My self-proclaimed nemesis

(see Faceless Demons)

For some unknown reason,

I dreaded this day.

I let the numbers play

with my mind.

I thought all day

if I can get through

this day, 144

that I am home free.

I can make it through

anything.

It’s a wretched mind game.

One I still wrestle with.

Numbers.

Counting days

minutes

months.

A distraction from the

hard work of grief.

I am determined

(AKA stubborn)

I can make it.

I will make it.

I will not let this

beat me.

I will sing, dance, write, love.

do whatever I can to

make it!

I am worthy

to make it.

My love thought so…

I know so.

XO Lisa

4 comments

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  1. Renee/Heart Tokens

    Prayers Lisa! Death and grief, suicide is a hard thing to get through. My BIL from my first marriage committed suicide. I felt so guilty for a long while. Like it was my fault. I should have seen the signs…It took me some time to realize he didn’t want to be stopped. He had made up his mind. Prayers to you. I know it’s tough. 🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

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