I was on a ZOOM call with ladies in my wonderful (Badass) Soul Sisters Tribe this evening and my friend Tanya (whose husband also died) commented that she pictures her heart as mending.
I cannot remember everything she said, because I was so awestruck by the word mending that my brain froze and immediately went in a million different directions.
I remember the discussion going in the vein of ‘healing’ being just the wrong word to use because it implies that one ‘gets over’ the death of a loved one and that may just not be true. It doesn’t happen.
But mending… what a perfect descriptive word!
to put into good shape or working order again : patch up “Merriam-Webster – mend
I will think about that for awhile.
“Death descends to all who lives
When it comes to take its course
Don’t struggle to move on
Just as his time is taken
Take your time to mourn
I’m sure your heart knows well
Just when to make that step
He has gone to a place unknown
Leaving no promise of return
But his death is not your end
Because as you mend
Life will certainly make amends
– Your Life After His Death -”― Mystqx Skye, Bared – Beneath a Myriad of Skies
Healing is not such a bad word either
to cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome”Merriam-Webster – Heal
But mend sounds more considerate,
like a work in progress,
always seeking improvement.
Kind of like me,
and many people I know
who have experienced grief.
“No matter how broken-hearted you are, God can mend your heart. Nothing will ever be hard for Him.”― Gift Gugu Mona, Daily Quotes About God: 365 Days of Heavenly Inspiration
To consider oneself healed from grief implies that it’s gone forever, never to return.
But sadness left in the wake of the death of a loved one does return –
over, and over, and over again.
When mending is occurring as healing is taking place
and the sadness returns,
for me at least,
but the emptiness is no longer as present as before.
Some days the sadness is like a ton of bricks,
I can recall good memories and laugh,
tell stories to others.
or mention a name without dissolving into a puddle of tears.
Every good day adds to the mending process.
Everyone sees their individual mending differently.
I saw my heart as shattered when Larry died.
At the time I didn’t think it could ever be whole.
“You know, life fractures all of us into little pieces. It harms us, but it’s how we glue those fractures back together that makes us stronger.”― Carrie Jones, Entice
Now I see it as a stained-glass work in progress.
Every day lead is added to mend the pieces back together –
like a puzzle, one piece at a time.
If I try to put the pieces together too quickly,
my fingers are cut by the shards.
Some are backwards or upside down
so holes remain,
but slowly and surely my heart is taking shape again.
I will sit for awhile with
Grateful, Thankful, and Mending
bask in the words!
Because I am
Grateful for friends who say one word that makes my head explode with possibilities,
Thankful for G-d’s blessings and the future,
Mending one piece at a time.
“Heartache purged layers of baggage I didn’t know I carried. Gifts hide under the layers of grief.”― Shauna L Hoey