
Follow up to today’s blog posts:
Rona Musings Blowing (My Brains Out) with Metallica
The thing about mourning that I’ve learned
is that to get through it
and heal
one has to let oneself feel
every
messy,
weepy,
screaming,
sad,
painful,
nanosecond,
of mourning.
The thing about grief and mourning is,
however, that one never knows
when it is going to hit.
Sometimes a memory,
sometimes a milestone,
sometimes a thought,,
sometimes a laugh,
can trigger the wave.
I woke up this morning,
in a glorious mood
colored my hair
got rid of the nasty inch of gray
that had grown out
during this Rona thing and
was in an exceptionally happy place —
then the mail came.
BOOM!
The shutters went down,
the darkness came up,
and mourning descended
like a roller coaster ride
in a hurricane.
All plans for the day
were off.
I was back in it
full throttle
again –
just like in the beginning.
But the difference was,
that I didn’t stuff it.
I rode it out.
I thought about why
I was sad
I let out the emotions
I thought about memories
all day I felt it
all
day
I was
sad,
pensive,
feeling,
crying on and off,
mourning
until
I said
I am
done
(for today)
this incident
has passed.
(Until the next time-
there will be a next time).
I have suffered enough
to let mourning take over my life.
My Love would not want
me to grieve and mourn
forever.
He wanted me to be happy,
always –
even without him.
Therefore, I am saying
YES
to HEALING –
to LIFE –
to HAPPINESS –
to ME.
XO Lisa
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