Rona Musings Mourning II

Follow up to today’s blog posts:

Rona Musings Mourning and

Rona Musings Blowing (My Brains Out) with Metallica

The thing about mourning that I’ve learned

is that to get through it

and heal

one has to let oneself feel

every

messy,

weepy,

screaming,

sad,

painful,

nanosecond,

of mourning.

The thing about grief and mourning is,

however, that one never knows

when it is going to hit.

Sometimes a memory,

sometimes a milestone,

sometimes a thought,,

sometimes a laugh,

can trigger the wave.

I woke up this morning,

in a glorious mood

colored my hair

got rid of the nasty inch of gray

that had grown out

during this Rona thing and

was in an exceptionally happy place —

then the mail came.

BOOM!

The shutters went down,

the darkness came up,

and mourning descended

like a roller coaster ride

in a hurricane.

All plans for the day

were off.

I was back in it

full throttle

again –

just like in the beginning.

But the difference was,

that I didn’t stuff it.

I rode it out.

I thought about why

I was sad

I let out the emotions

I thought about memories

all day I felt it

all

day

I was

sad,

pensive,

feeling,

crying on and off,

mourning

until

I said

I am

done

(for today)

this incident

has passed.

(Until the next time-

there will be a next time).

I have suffered enough

to let mourning take over my life.

My Love would not want

me to grieve and mourn

forever.

He wanted me to be happy,

always –

even without him.

Therefore, I am saying

YES

to HEALING –

to LIFE –

to HAPPINESS –

to ME.

XO Lisa