It has been awhile since I had a sad, tearful, mourning day.
February 23, to be exact. The EPIC day.
The day that taught me so many lessons:
It’s not healthy to stuff emotions;
Feel each tear so it will pass;
Mourning is an integral part of healing;
It’s okay to be sad.
The day I reflected on in the blog post: WHEN LIGHTNING STRIKES.
The day that but for one well-placed text, would have been my last.
The day that sparked transformation described in EXCITEMENT, SHADOWS, and LIGHT
Yesterday was another sad day – brought about by frustration from inability to fulfill the last of my Love’s wishes in this time of Rona. I love him so much (still) and always want(ed) to please him.
However, in retrospect, the day was filled with sadness.
It was not shattering.
There was thinking,
writing (too quickly),
being upset at myself and the tendency to say whatever I am feeling
without thinking first.
But there were no life-ending thoughts.
Just overwhelming sadness.
I am not one to be proud of myself, pat myself on the back, or say such things out loud. Probably because the cynical side of me is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, another tragedy to happen.
However, I will break that pattern today, if only for a moment.
I am feeling satisfied
that I made it through yesterday.
Some breaths held longer than others.
Some breaths holding and bearing down to stave off the familiar palpitations that come with great sadness.
Other breaths intentional when they catch in the chest and sadness becomes hard to bear.
Still others forced through tears.
I reached out this time
I did not stifle
I made it
With EPIC intention
I rode the mourning wave
one step closer to healing