Sunday night, July 4th, Independence Day in the U.S.A.
Typically a day of celebration, family, and fireworks.
As my usual practice, I was at home with the dog. Unlike many dogs, Miss Roxie is oblivious to fireworks, but I am not.
When I was a child, fireworks were the bee’s knees. But the flashes and booms seem to bring on migraines as I get older.
Last year, during COVID lockdowns I searched for fireworks just for a pick-me-up and to quell my sheer boredom. You can read about that here: Musings Gratitude Day 38.
This year I made the mistake of switching on the Macy’s Fourth of July Fireworks in New York City and was on the edge of tears throughout the show.
Images and memories of our trip to NYC in 2008 in celebration of our first wedding anniversary filled my head. Travels full of laughter with Larry’s sister (now mine) Rachelle, hubby Mike, and daughter Sondra. Claustrophobic self getting stuck on a subway train for more than an hour after allowing Larry to talk me into the ride (against my better judgement). The sheer seasickness of riding the boat out onto the river to view the fireworks. Then there was the fact that of all the boats, we were stuck on the Hip-hop boat. Seeing my first Broadway show “Mary Poppins”. Junior’s Cheesecake, Katz’s Deli, the WTC site still under construction/demolition, the Jewish Museum, Chinatown, the Garment District, and many other sights where I had to walk with my outstretched hand on Larry’s back to get a little space to quell my claustrophobia in an already overcrowded metropolis that was teeming with tourists for the holiday.
But back to this year. I did pretty good, despite the memories whipping through my head.
One of the last songs…
Larry’s favorite song (he always told me through tears).
Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho’ your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart
and you’ll never walk alone…– “You’ll Never Walk Alone” -Carousel- Rodgers and Hammerstein
I think every song was his favorite, but whenever he heard this particular song, he cried.
When I heard the song, saw fireworks, thought of our anniversary (7/7/07) and trip in 2008, I was a mess.
A card-carrying, puddle-jumping, river of tears crying mess.
But you know what?
I was able to re-live the memories, remember the good times and smile without falling apart.
When the song triggered tears, I was able to recognize the transitory sadness as just that and not full-blown grief.
Most importantly, I was grateful that I had the experiences with someone I loved and who loved me totally and completely in return.
I will continue to walk on
with hope in my heart
and will never walk alone…
XO Lisa ❤️