Badassery 11/14 and 15

Well hello little badass calendar!

You’ve caught me in a mood…

not bad, pensive, or melancholy,

just a mood.

I am not needy,

no longer fear-based,

and learned not to smother long ago,

because I dislike being smothered.

Perhaps it’s claustrophobia,

maybe the curious part of me that has always clamored to be my own person.

The one who has never followed the crowd.

I have always been an all-out giver and reluctant receiver.

Learning to surrender to the flow was a hard, difficult lesson.

Because the all-out giver is so strong, I am solution-based. I want, scratch that, need to find a solution. I recognize now that the need to find a solution to every problem is not healthy. It is not my place to find a solution for everyone’s problems. I need to take care of myself first and foremost. Surrendering that need has brought great peace.

Part of giving up finding a solution has been giving up the notion that “when faced with a mountain I will not quit! I will keep striving until I climb over, find a pass through, or tunnel underneath.” I was really enamored with this concept for most of my adult life.

However, I had it wrong. The entire quote is:

When faced with a mountain, I will not quit! I will keep striving until I climb over, find a pass through, tunnel underneath or simply stay and turn the mountain into a gold mine, with God’s help.

– Robert Schuller

I forgot “or simply stay and turn the mountain into a gold mine, with God’s help.”

Isn’t it funny how leaving out one or and what follows can change the entire meaning?

I was pounding my head against rocks

trying to find solutions when there were none,

thinking that it was never okay to stop and relax.

What if the lesson may not have been to kill myself climbing over mountains, digging tunnels, or searching for the pass throughs.

What if the lesson was to stop at the bottom of the mountain to find gratitude in my present situation to surrender, smell the flowers, watch the birds, and relax my mind so healing could commence.

What if this moment,

this very moment in time,

after everything that has happened in my life,

is where I am supposed to be.

What if there was a reason

for the madness,

the multiple losses,

the pain,

the grief?

What if

the very act of surrendering,

giving and receiving,

then stopping to relax

once in awhile,

means the road I am traveling

is my road.

What if these realizations

help me continue

traveling this amazing,

badass healing road!

XO Lisa ❤️ living a gratitude filled life!