Thoughts on Grief XXXVI

Unapologetically Real 25

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”

― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly,

Grief cannot be compared.

I cannot know the depth and breadth of your grief because I haven’t walked your path.

Conversely, you cannot know mine.

Everyone grieves in their own way.

I wanted to be alone. Others want to be surrounded by people. Every grieving person needs to do only what feels right to them, and nothing more.

Grief brings out the worst in people who think they know everything about the subject.

The only grief I know is what I have experienced. Yours is your own.

Therefore, grief is personal.

Take nothing personally.

Nothing.

We are all going through this separately, but together.

Every ‘loss‘ is different to each person who experiences grief.

To tell someone “I know how you’re feeling” is tantamount to a slap in the face.

Nobody knows how I am feeling.

Grief breaks open the heart and it feels shattered.

Physically painful.

Don’t hold it in, stifle it, or stuff it down.

Cry, wail, mourn,

let it out,

every bit of it.

Find someone who will listen.

Not listen to respond or give advice, but who will truly listen.

Someone who will just sit next to you in silence.

Just to be near.

That is true love…

Tell their story, ask for stories.

I found out so much about my Love when I listened to others talk about him. Things that confirmed what I already knew and stories that helped me understand him better.

I never tire of hearing stories.

Look for signs.

Larry flickers the lights to get my attention, visits in dreams and sometimes talks out loud. I’m not crazy, all my dead relatives have visited at one point or another. It’s just the way it is.

Usually it’s very comforting.

Someday in the future we all decide that there is room for happiness in our lives.

I was surprised when the 24/7 crying stopped.

When I could look back on memories and laugh.

It happened when I decided that I had suffered enough.

Practice Gratitude

The simple act of finding one thing to be grateful for each day (even if it’s just breathing) has changed my life for the better. By focusing on the positive act of gratitude, there was less room for sadness.

Ask for help if you need it.

This was a hard one for me. Several times I thought that I was done, could not go on another day. Had a plan to leave this world behind because it was just so damn painful.

Each time, G-d sent an angel to rescue me in the form of another human being who texted or called at just the right time.

Don’t be a stubborn ass like me. Ask for help.

Grief will come back at the most inopportune times

Like a wave that keeps crashing.

That’s normal.

Ride the wave and learn to surf. Low tide is only a heartbeat away.

A Shattered Heart is not a bad thing.

It lets more light shine through the cracks so your light can shine brightly.

The best quote I ever read about grief:

“Time doesn’t heal all wounds. We both know that’s bullshit; it comes from people who have nothing comforting or original to say.”
― Adam Silvera, History Is All You Left Me

I am grateful for everyone who has been a part of my grief journey, family, friends, badass soul sisters, faithful readers, and acquaintances. I consider all of you my beloveds.

XO Lisa ❤️ living a gratitude filled life!