Grateful for family
Today I woke up late at 9:15am.
Although it was daylight,
I woke up to
darkness
in
my
head.
Familiar grief
raised its head,
said hello,
then the phone dinged…
Sarah texted, “Do you think you are coming over today?”
She had no idea that
I woke up to darkness —
wanted to stay in bed
and cry,
that my self-talk,
the demon I thought was slain,
had taken a turn for the worse
in the old, familiar way,
But I picked myself up out of bed,
showered,
turned off the
negative self-talk,
got in the car,
and headed west.
The drive was cathartic.
Disturbed was my friend on the way…
One hardly notices
intense thunderstorms
when driving through
tear-filled eyes.
Then the storms passed,
as they always do,
and I arrived to my destination —
to find pure, four-year-old
unconditional LOVE.
We played…
talked about Grandpa Larry
and Grandma Beth,
her grandpa bear
and the blankets from grandma,
she had a good dream last night (not a nightmare),
watched “Snake Discovery”
and later mint green hair Barbies,
I had a tutorial on how to make a Barbie high-pony (tail) — who knew that now it’s just a “high pony.”
…then, after Miss B said “Everybody in this house is special” we laughed until I snorted, and the grandma imitating began
…and we laughed some more!
The point is,
that while grief will be back,
and there will surely be dark days ahead,
the sadness is transient
and the darkness is temporary.
XO Lisa
PS — I’ll try to find uplifting music for the drive home!
Grateful, Thankful, and Mending! 
This process you are in has many twist and turns and surprises also. I have a dear friend who lost her son a year ago and I would love it if she would read you. She seems to be past the mad stage or so it seems to me by what she puts on facebook. My heart ache everytime I read her post. Then I have another friend who I just talked to today whose husband is alive but he is like a dead man because he never talks to her, day after day. She is so lonely for conversation that when she and I talk, I say one sentence and she totally takes over and pours her heart out over and over. I ache for her too. I want to wring her husband neck. Your ability to express your grief along with what you are being taught through it would be good for many. Press on, press on.
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Thank you so much, Betty. Your wisdom and thoughts bring light to the darkness of many, including me. 💛
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Please pass along the link to her, and keep listening – you are a gem for doing so!
Thank you for the encouragement!
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