When I wrote Are You Courageous one week ago, I talked about a Paradigm Shift as one of my Action Plans for 2020.
Perhaps it was the flu bug and the ensuing high fevers, or the realizations that came to me while lying in bed alone, but something shifted in my brain over the last five days.
A “Paradigm Shift” is defined as “a fundamental change in approach or underlying assumptions.”
When I listed Paradigm Shift as a plan, my narrow definition of that checkbox was that it meant to be open to new…, get rid of chaos, and work on my book.
Little did I know what G-d had in mind for that box and for me. But as always, greater things are in store when left up to the Creator and Conductor of the Universe.
Back to my point: It seems as though my view of life has changed sometime over the last five days.
– No longer do I seem to be looking at life through lenses of grief. It’s as though I have a new pair of virtual-reality glasses.
Do I still miss my Love? Yes.
Do I think about him? Of course.
But are those feelings all-encompassing? I can’t really say that they are.
– I am excited for the future and its possibilities.
Has anything concrete changed in my life over the last seven days? No.
– Am I naive enough to think that my grief process is over?
Oh absolutely NOT! I will miss my Love until the day I die and will love him for eternity. My feelings have not changed. But I can think about him without bursting into tears – at least for now. I want to laugh at and remember the silly, fun memories instead of just crying.
I want to let my Love’s light shine through instead of the darkness from pain at the end. He was so full of love and light. (Okay, my eyes leaked at the last statement)…
I guess the moral of this story is that one should be careful what one wishes for, or writes down, because G-d may have other plans…
190 & 2/365 XO Lisa