Rona Musings Pensive

“By definition, you can’t experience your own death. Death is the end of consciousness. And consciousness persists. In the language of physics, consciousness is conserved.

I am the one who wakes up in the morning.

Always.

Every morning.

I don’t die.

I just become increasingly unlikely.”
― Robert Charles Wilson, Divided by Infinity

Pensive today

Up hours before dawn

Car ride with AC/DC full bore

“In his face there came to be a brooding peace that is seen most often in the faces of the very sorrowful or the very wise. But still he wandered through the streets of the town, always silent and alone.”
― Carson McCullers, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter

I wonder if my brooding

is from sorrow

or wisdom

I doubt wisdom

perhaps fear…

“It is our ‘fear of fear’ that is our greatest fear.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

I will admit

that I am afraid

of the upcoming

one-year anniversary.

27 days until the Yahrtzeit candle is lit

39 days until 26 June

the day

Yes, I am counting again

Damn counting days

I try to shake it loose-but these ideas, they cling. It’s like I’m shackled to them with an iron chain. They rattle along behind me, dragging against the ground, always reminding me of their presence.”
― Maureen Johnson, The Madness Underneath

Still, the stone unveiling date is not set.

I feel like I’ve failed my Love

not observed his wishes.

Pensive

sad

“Rightly tired of the pain İ hear and feel, boss… where we’s comin from or goin to or why… If İ could end it, İ would. But İ can’t.”
― stephen king, The Green Mile

I need to stop

stop

stop

stop

stop

“Loneliness is not the enemy of your joy
as long as you know how you should always destroy
the pensive mood that remains with you like a friend
who never stands up for you when you’re forced to bend”
― Munia Khan

I feel lost again

I don’t like this feeling

I will not remain here

“All this wondering was the weather vane on top of the building of unrest and of discontent”
― steinbeck

I need to take decisive action

to quell this discontent

in my soul

“What pensive people define as ‘lost’ is what bolder people define as ‘adventure’. The former remains huddled in their constricted boxes, while the latter tread the crest of horizons.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

so I can finally interpret

this feeling of being lost

as adventure

and find peace

in my soul.

XO Lisa