Today I am grateful for Happiness, Peace, Love, & Joy
In the early days of grief and mourning, happiness, peace, love, and joy were scarce commodities.
As time passed, the sheer weight of the pain became too much to bear and the decision was made that I could not suffer anymore.
I begin to look for pain relief from outside sources:
and False Teachers.
Things that I knew deep inside were not good for my soul, my very being.
I was looking for hope in a world that literally offered none.
I was looking for peace from sources that caused division.
I thought love could only come from others.
I was searching for joy in my darkness.
Only when I realized that
Love, and Joy
could only come from within, did I begin to experience them for real.
Today, I look for happiness, peace, love, & joy in little things:
Calls from family: My son worrying needlessly, daughter’s plans, daughter-in-love’s texts about life in her circus and calls, bonus daughter’s funny texts. Texts and calls from my sisters and cousins.
A grandchild’s “I love you”
A picture of Houdini with his rear end sticking out of the refrigerator and his “Hi Gma”
A belly laugh when Miss B imitates me snorting while laughing
Hearing Miss M playing the trumpet
A text message from Mr J signing off with “That’s all”
Gifts received in the mail out of the blue.
Time spent with friends
A unexpected text message or call
Playing my keyboard
Holding a book in hand, turning pages, highlighter and pen at ready, smelling the paper, like an old love coming to visit;
Sitting outside watching the birds at the feeder
My silly dog stalking little moles like a cat
A work project completed
An idea that pops into my head prompting a well-written blog post or a not-so-well-written blog post
Waking up early enough to catch the sunrise (because I’m finally sleeping)
Watching the beautiful sunset on the shore of Lake Erie
A fall bonfire
My relationship with the G-d of the universe
Finally loving myself for who I am, imperfections and all.
My happiness, peace, love, and joy can only come from within, not from external sources. Not from alcohol, sex, toxic relationships, other individuals, or false teachers. Those things are fickle and fleeting.
I am worthy
I am strong
I am happy
I am at peace
I love myself
I am joyful
I am healing
I am hopeful for the future
I am grateful
I am a badass warrior
and I am immeasurably blessed.
XO Lisa ❤️