Badassery 12/7

Well hello little badass calendar…

Nice message today… hits a little too close to the bone.

Non-stop, self-flagellating, I Suckfest, huh?

I used to be able to relate to that.

It was my defense mechanism.

The way I kept people at arm’s length.

If I thought I sucked, nobody would want to be around me, right?

Right.

Wrong.

I was on a straight path to seriously self-destructive beliefs before I met Lawrence.

It took just the right person to break an awful habit. He saw through my smokescreen and showed me, through repetition, that I was valuable and worthy.

He accepted me as I was when we met; untrusting, broken, unable to love, and self-deprecating. He led me out of my dark wilderness with his firm hand on my shoulder, a loving heart, and gave me time to develop trust. He saw something in me that I couldn’t see in myself.

I can never thank him enough for literally transforming not only my life, but also how I think about myself.

Through the years he gave me the tools that I would need to continue to live without him.

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I used to apologize at the end of almost every sentence.

It sounded as though my opinions and my thoughts didn’t matter. Negating my feelings on nearly any subject.

I am happy to say that I broke myself of that habit by quickly following “Sorry” with “Not sorry”.

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As for not being valuable and worthy?

I am both.

Sometimes I still fall back into old habits and need to remind myself that indeed I am valuable and worthy, but a quick reminder generally does the job.

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My self-esteem is healthy without being obnoxious (I hope).

I am worthy.

I am valuable.

I am a child of G-d.

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You are worthy.

You are valuable.

You are a child of G-d.

Never, ever, forget it.

XO Lisa ❤️ living a gratitude filled life!