Musings Gratitude Day 26

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”

— Helen Keller

Today I am mixed bag grateful

exceedingly grateful

I am trying to remember that words have power so I am choosing my words carefully…

Today starts THE second week, the one I have been feeling anxiety-ridden about for months. The first anniversary week that I celebrated last Sunday at sunset with the Yahrzeit, as was Larry’s tradition, is over.

This week will end with the final act to honor him- the headstone unveiling on Sunday the 28th.

I am making changes – positive for me, and I can hear Larry applauding.

Yesterday I bought a new chaise sofa. (Yes, it was a deeply-discounted floor model… I learned how to shop from the best).

But I bought it for me.

For my serenity room, as I am calling it.

It matches my $40 wing-back reading chair purchased from fb marketplace perfectly. Like it was meant to be. No coincidences.

Friends are coming Thursday night to help move the sofa that is currently in that room into the front room to make way for the new.

However, I had to disassemble the sofa in the front room last evening and make a decision about its future.

To store it away or to discard it.

With tears.

Many tears.

Sobbing.

Mourning.

You see, the sofa in the front room was Larry’s before we met. In his apartment. It was a temporary sofa- screw together particle board dressed up with a new cover nine years ago, but temporary nonetheless.

So many memories associated with that sofa- different cover- but oh such good memories…

relived through tears.

So we had a conversation,

Larry and I

We relived those memories together.

He told me it was time

to heal.

Remember, but heal.

For the sofa, like our physical bodies, are only temporary.

The covers become worn.

The screws become loose.

Some boards are cracked

or broken

making patching

with duct tape necessary.

But I will always remember the couch

when it was newer

and our love brand new,

with endless possibilities

of future love

untested by illness and age.

I will hold those memories dear

while I forge a new existence

filled with possibilities

with healing at the core

of my intention.

There will be tears

the moving back and forth

from the present to the past

from happiness to mourning

then back and forth again…

But the sofa, like my Love,

Larry,

completed it’s earthly mission.

It is no longer present,

but

He taught me pure love.

361 XO Lisa