Unapologetically Real 23

“What doesn’t kill me had better fucking run.”

― Jay Kristoff, Darkdawn

Be a Badass

Yes, this topic was on the list of things to write about in this Unapologetically Real Series. The topic list is one of the two lists in my posession. The other is one I won’t share- my perfect man wishlist… but shhhhh don’t tell anybody.

Back on topic…

“She is a beautiful, powerful badass woman who sometimes falls apart inside after she drops her bags by the door and tosses her stilettos. Her vulnerability at night helps her to rise stronger in the morning.”

― J. Autherine, Wild Heart, Peaceful Soul: Poems and Inspiration to Live and Love Harmoniously

I don’t own stilettos – would probably fall off and break an ankle. Grace is not my middle name. But I have been known to be vulnerable at night. If I possess a weakness, it is that.

Ha. I have many weaknesses. Don’t tell anyone. Wait, I already told you all. The missives in this blog are full of my weaknesses being conquered. The heart that is too easily broken. The girl who gives it her all. The one who is all out there, no holds barred – swear words and all. No secrets where this one is concerned – the truth is hard enough to remember, let alone a lie.

I rarely toot my own horn, but I am happy.

Read that again:

I am HAPPY!

I have been going through old blog posts lately. That takes some badass strength to look back to the beginning of early grief and mourning.

As I was reading, it was like looking in on someone else’s life and thoughts. To be honest, I don’t recognize the person who wrote those posts. She is but a memory.

To me, it indicates that I have made progress. Just one year ago, I didn’t think I wanted to go on living, let alone possible to someday be happy again.

But I was a badass at grief and mourning. I let myself feel every, single, painful emotion. I cried when I needed to. Screamed if I had to. Broke things. Packed things up. Swore at boxes. Said “Fuck” more than I ever have in my whole life.

Came to some earth shattering revelations about myself and others on the grief road to happiness.

It has been a fucking hard 504 days since Larry left this earth.

But the result is what he wanted: Me to be strong. Stronger than ever before.

“Bravely, I broke the silence. I boldly shared the truth. I empowered myself to create healthy boundaries. I became a badass. I no longer tolerated being shamed, blamed, and manipulated.”

― Dana Arcuri, Soul Cry: Releasing & Healing the Wounds of Trauma

I know that tomorrow I might be sad,

life rarely turns out the way it is planned.

Happiness is fleeting

and tomorrow may never come.

But today: I am a badass.

“Don’t think for second you are not a badass warrior. That’s precisely your problem, you don’t realize how amazingly brilliant and super kickass you are. Your potential is only limited by your mind.”

― Melody Lee, Moon Gypsy

Bottom line: I am Me!

I cannot be anyone else.

Take it or leave it.

I am capable of change, but only if it is for me.

I don’t need anyone to be happy

but

want is an entirely different matter.

I am Me!

No reservations,

holding nothing back,

taking one day at a time,

and living my best life.

Me!

Every imperfectly perfect particle

the person G-d created me to be

for the first time in my almost 60 years

… and it feels good!

“You are a badass. You were one when you came screaming onto this planet and you are one now. The Universe wouldn’t have bothered with you otherwise. You can’t screw up so majorly that your badassery disappears. It is who you are. It’s who you always will be. It’s not up for negotiation.”

― Jen Sincero

My story is no different than anyone else’s who has walked through the fire of the grief abyss, let said fire burn him/her to the ground, then risen from the ashes like the badasses we are to find an entirely different person looking back in the mirror.

We are a rare breed of people who want to live our best lives,

take nothing for granted,

and know that each day is precious.

Thank you for coming along on my journey!

XO Lisa ❤️ living a gratitude filled life!