To Larry, tradition meant everything. He was Jewish through and through. So much that his DNA analysis revealed 99% European Jewish and 1% Baltics.

His Yahrzeit, the official day of remembrance is tomorrow June 3rd.

A candle will burn for 25 hours in his memory then extinguish itself.

Upon lighting the candle I will recite:

ETERNAL G-D, as I kindle this Yahrzeit candle on the anniversary of the death of my beloved Lawrence Preisler, the memory of his life passes before me. I reverently recall the memories we shared together. Time cannot efface the measure of his memories. I shall ever be grateful for the sacrifices made in my behalf. With affection and understanding he stood by my side to guide and encourage me when I needed help. He taught me to love Thee, O G-d, and to keep Thy Commandments.

– Prayer to be said upon lighting of the Yahrzeit candle

It is certain that tears will flow as I speak the prayer out loud and memories of our years together flood my mind.

Although memories of Larry are never far from my mind, tonight I will not only remember him with intention and gratitude, but also mourn.

Again.

On a basic level, mourning is the outward expression of grief traditionally expressed by wearing dark clothing for a time, weeping, and remembering. It is a time when the anguish that one feels is raw.

For me, the act of actively mourning for the last two years brought about a spiritual journey of the heart and soul to find deeper meaning and purpose.

This person who hates to cry, shed many tears…

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”

Washington Irving

The quote above imparted a new meaning to tears.

Before today I never imagined tears as being powerful!

As I walked through the early burning fires of grief, tears calmed the flames.

At my weakest, tears surrounded me like a moat around a castle – protecting me from outside forces that wished harm.

Tears allowed emotions to flow that, if kept inside, would have killed my soul and eventually, me.

Tears expedited mending my broken self after my heart shattered into a million pieces. Mortar needs water to be activated.

In the past, and in my mind, tears signified weakness…

But as I overthink the power of tears, the realization hits that tears are indeed

cathartic,

necessary,

and normal.

---

Mourning has helped me to appreciate every moment, great and mundane.

It has changed the way my eyes see,

my thoughts,

actions,

and the way I love.

Seeing the world through tears

has made me appreciate people more,

think less of material things,

and live in a state of joy and gratitude,

I find myself thinking more about eternity instead of seeking pleasure in the present moment.

I find myself loving more and not taking each moment for granted.

I find myself praying more and worrying less about the future.

I find myself forgiving more and holding grudges less.

Before I met Larry I was traveling a dark path, alone. His presence in my life, humor, sarcasm, intellectualism, wisdom, and unconditional love showed me that I was worthy.

His influence on my life and his death (although I cringe as I type “and his death” because it sounds crass and uncaring to my brain) have given me two of the greatest gifts:

The abiding knowledge that it is possible to be loved unconditionally by a husband and never settle for less.

and

the gift of discovering my power through grief and mourning to eventually live a life of joy and gratitude.

As my tears start well before sunset, I whisper a thank-you to Heaven and wait for their power to wash over my soul.

XO Lisa ❤️💔❤️‍🔥